They told me it was a benefit.
The flexibility.
The freedom to work from anywhere,
which meant the freedom to work from everywhere,
which meant the kitchen, the car,
the holiday that was not really a holiday
because the grades were due January second
and January second does not care
where you are.
They told me I was lucky.
I understood what they meant.
They meant: you should be grateful
we let you in at all.
They meant: a permanent contract
requires a different kind of person.
They meant: the flexibility is generous
when you consider the alternative.
I considered the alternative.
Every year I considered it.
The alternative had no map and I had children
and the work was work I wanted
so I called the flexibility a gift
and I was not entirely wrong
and I was not entirely honest.
Flexibility is a word that means something different
depending on which side of the contract you are on.
On my side it meant: be available.
On their side it meant: we are not responsible.
I learned the difference
the way you learn most important things,
late, and at some cost,
and in a way that cannot be unlearned.
I am not flexible anymore.
Or rather: I bend toward what is mine now.
Only that.
Only what is mine.
La flexibilidad era mía. El costo también.
The flexibility was mine. So was the cost.
